Middle Meets Earth
by Nerds in Black
Summary: What happens when best friends, Gwynne and Heth, wish for a Spring Break that has never been seen before! A lot! Between the curiousity and stomachs of the Hobbits to the archaic principles of warriors from before feminism, how will they cope?
1. A Nerd Can Hope, Right?

Hello to all! This is the first chapter of the new story from Nerds in Black, your authors Heth and Gwynne. We hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Lord of the Rings. Gwynne crying in the background we fervently wished that we did and then we could force Aragorn to ditch phone sex girl (A.K.A. Arwen for those that didn't know ;) and come live in Heth's closet. (That way, when somebody asks her when she's gonna come out of the closet she can cheerfully say "Never!") And we would prevent Boromir from dying so he can come live with Gwynnie (Gwynne: Le sigh). We _unfortunately _make no claim on any of the characters from LOTR except perhaps their slightly OC attitudes. We'll try to stay true to J.R.R. Tolkein. hands on hearts

Seeing as how disclaimers are generally boring and rather futile on a fan fiction site where it is _obvious_ the authors are obsessed teenage girls. We're not bothering with another one after this. SO DON'T SUE US! WE DID IT ALREADY!

**Summary:** So, what happens when best friends, Gwynne and Heth, wish for a Spring Break that has never been seen before! We'll give you a few hints: Frodo takes a liking to something called make-up. So between Frodo feeling pretty and Boromir learning the basics of cooking with a blender (sometimes the lid helps), how will these two modern girls cope? Will Boromir ever figure out the blender and move on to the mixer? Will Frodo discover whether he's a summer or a winter? Stay tuned for the adventures of Gwynne, Heth, and the rather confused Middle Earth visitors.

**Genre:** Romance, Humor, and Fantasy

**Rating:** PG-13 (T for Heth's Potty Mouth)

Gwynne: Ok, enough of that! This first chapter was written by Heth so tell us what you think! On with the show!

Chapter 1: A nerd can hope, right?

Heth sat on the bus bench listening to her MP3 player and staring out into the rain. She was trying to ignore the shouts of her team mates while attempting to listen to the mournful words of Damien Rice, all the while thinking

'God, you'd think nerds wouldn't be this loud.'

You see, Heth was a rather average person, even her GPA wasn't that awe inspiring. True, it was enough to be impressive, but what was really impressive, as far as college applications go, were the number of clubs and academic activities she was in. At the time of this story, she was riding home from an ACE match (Academic Competition) surrounded by her fellow social studies competitors.  
'You know, it's like ACE is sports for nerds who can't shoot a basketball worth crap.' She snorted at this thinking of the last time she had played basketball. 'How many did I get in, during a time period of approximately 30 minutes with no one taking the ball? Oh yeah... about 5.'

Heth was a perfectly friendly person, usually going out of her way to be nice to a new person, mostly because over the span of her short life she had moved around quite a bit and knew being new wasn't fun. Most places she moved to had schools where most everyone had known each other for years. And some group members can get downright hostile when their regular program is interrupted. Such was her current situation. A junior in high school, she was 17 years old, and while most of her team mates had known each other for years she had known them a grand total of 2 months since the ACE season started. So maybe it was small wonder that she was sitting alone, staring out a foggy window. It didn't bother her too much though, she liked the solitude and it wasn't as if she had no friends at all.

'Just not on this bus.' She thought. 'But I do have Gwynne and a few others. But most importantly Gwynne.'

When Heth had first moved to Cynclow, a small rural town in California near the coast, about 7 months ago, she had known nobody and was getting ready to start another year as 'the new girl'. The common belief amongst most was that with age came maturity. Heth had the emotional scars to prove that this was most certainly not so, and while young children may wound people with their words without knowing it. Older ones did it knowing full well what they were doing. And to top it off they generally added in a couple swear words for good measure and sometimes a few kicks. Yep, it's a fact of life that high school students can be vicious.

But, it's also a universal truth that there will always be an exception to these rules. The exception at this particular high school was Gwynne. She had a very sunny disposition and was very hyper. She had her blonde moments sometimes (which were downright hilarious to witness) but she had her moments of brilliance as well. And while Heth relied on an assortment of razor come backs as her defense, Gwynne had a stare that looked so innocent and nice it could make a murder drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness.

So when these two girls met, it seemed only natural that they would get along so fabulously. Unlike with many of Heth's 'fast friends', that she had become so skilled at making, the usual periods of awkward silence were non-existent.

As the months passed by the two only became closer and this particular day of which we speak was the last day before spring break. A spring break which was bound to be good since both girls parents were on vacation leaving the two at Heth's house for 2 and a half weeks.

The ACE team had won the championship, and were heading back to the high school where Gwynne, was due to pick up Heth as soon as the bus pulled into the parking lot. But in the meantime, Heth had 20 minutes to kill. And what better way than with her favorite book, Lord of the Rings. Never mind, that she had already read the book over 12 times and owned all three extended editions. In fact, both girls were fans of the trilogy, only Heth was really the avid fan, having read the books while Gwynne had only seen the movies. But they both had their walls covered with posters. Heth's character preferences being: Aragorn, Boromir, Faramir, Eomer, Haldir, and a few others, Gwynne's being: Boromir, Pippin, Merry, Frodo, and Eomer.

After about 15 minutes of solid reading with "The Beatles" drowning out the other nerds, the bus pulled into the lot. Heth was one of the first off the bus, not bothering to listen to the coaches 'pat on the back' speech and running over to Gwynne's Orange Honda Element. Hopping in, she took one last look at the school for the next few weeks and thought

'I wish fellowship were here... maybe with a few other characters…that would truly make this an unforgettable spring break.'

Not knowing how many times she had wished this and received nothing she shook her head at her own foolishness and closed the door with Gwynne driving off.

Little did she know that this time was the lucky number and her dreams and that of her best friend were about to come true...

**AN:** Well? What do you think? Please Review! Next chapter should be up within the week.

Heth and Gwynne


	2. Deer In The Headlights

**Hello all! This is the second chapter of "Middle Meets Earth" by Nerds in Black. This chapter is brought to you by Gwynne with some revisions from Heth)**

**AN/ Please note that throughout the story there will be AN (author notes) in bold faced print. The one's entitled AN: 1/ are Heth and the ones that are AN: 2/ are Gwynne.**

**Review Response:**

**E.Tphonehome: **As our first official reviewer, we want to say thank you very much and YAY! Someone read it! Anyway, to answer your question Gwynne and I will definitely be putting some major humor in this fic, but we're also aiming for some good old fashioned romance (with Middle Earth guys, probably REALLY old fashioned). So thank you very much for reviewing and we hope you like the second chapter!

**Chapter 2: Deer in the Headlights**

Heth hopped in the sparkling, glorious, wonderfully mind blowing, and awesome Honda element to be graced with the sight of Gwynne smiling insanely. (**AN: 1/ Wow Gwynne, got enough good descriptors there? )**

"Umm…what?" Heth frantically looked around as if trying to find the cause of Gwynne's immense happiness, only to find herself looking back upon the almost frighteningly wide smile.

"So… did you guys win?" Gwynne said still retaining a bright smile.

"Oh! Yeah we totally kicked their asses!" Heth smirked remembering at the end of the match how their opponent's mouths were agape at the score of 220-40.

"YAY!" Gwynne cheered and leaped upon her friend for a victory hug, or as well as she could in a car.

"So tell me, for a victory celebration would you like to go see "Ultraviolet"? I have two tickets." Gwynne couldn't help but laugh, as Heth's eyes lit up when she waved the two tickets tauntingly before her.

"Definitely, you know I've been wanting to see that forever! Quick, to the theater!" Heth's excitement was almost contagious, so Gwynne quickly took the pedal to the metal and zoomed out of the student parking lot.

"AHHHHH! Gwynne! Gwynne! Traffic! Look both ways dammit!" Heth had only allowed Gwynne to drive a few times and each time reluctantly for good reason. She would have insisted that Gwynne allow her to take the wheel before they left the school but she had been busy hugging the two tickets to "Ultraviolet". Tonight, was opening night and Heth had been whining all week on how she just wished she had a ticket to go to it.

'Come to think of it…how did Gwynne manage to get one much less two tickets to the opening night of "Ultraviolet".' Heth thought suddenly, eyes growing wide.

Gwynne had turned up the radio to drown out Heth's passenger side driving. Heth being more down to earth quickly turned "The Beatles" down before they got mobbed by the angry people in the surrounding cars. The sudden change of volume quickly served to snap Gwynne out of her day dream that she was a character off of speed racers. Gwynne glanced quickly over to see Heth turning the volume down.

"Heyyyy what was that for! I like that song a lot!" Gwynne pouted. Listening to music always seemed to help her concentrate, but not like it helped her driving any.

"Sorry I was just wondering…where exactly did you get these tickets? You must have ordered them way in advance right?" Heth had to ask, she never would have guessed Gwynne had planned ahead for something.

"Oh! Of course not!" Gwynne laughed at the idea. "You know Justin? The cute one, with the Mohawk, and lip piercing."

"I'd hardly call him cute but whatever, yeah so?"

"Well he's a scalper. You know those people that get tickets in advance and sell them for a load of money later. He gave me an awesome discount! He seems a little shady, but he's a nice guy after all. You know that saying is actually right, never judge a book by its cover!" Gwynne laughed.

'…I don't know about that…' thought Heth. "Oh god Gwynne, CAR!"

Arriving at the theater, Heth got out of the car shakily, and steadied herself by placing a hand on the sparkling exterior of the Honda element. "I don't care what crazy argument you come up with. I'm driving home." She said as if ending an argument.

"Aw, come on you are such a spoil sport! I'm not _that_ bad am I?" Gwynne shouldn't help but wonder if she was really all that bad at driving.

"Actually…yes, yes you are that bad. How the hell did you get your license anyhow?" If it was possible for Gwynne to get a license then it was possible for anybody to.

"Oh well you know…" Gwynne was about to set into a long explanation on how she got her license when Heth interrupted, "I really wasn't looking for an explanation. Lets get to the movie we want to get the best seats don't we?"

"Oh dude, that was awesome, when they went bang, bang, bang, and then zoom! Oh god can the night get any better!" Punching the air Gwynne excited walked back to the sparkling glorious and awesome Honda element. (**AN: 1/Yes apparently Gwynnie REALLY wants this car….)** "Oh I know! We could go for ice cream! That would be the perfect ending to the first day of Spring Break!"

"I don't know...you really don't need any sugar," Heth said glancing at Gwynne who was already dancing circles around her.

"Aw, come on! Just one cone! You know I shut up while eating!"

"Yeah I know, but it's the after the eating part that I'm worried about."

"Come on! Pleasssssse!"

"Oh alright," Heth couldn't help but give in. After all, what girl didn't love ice cream? Hell, even her stuck up lactose intolerant mother loved a good ice cream cone every once in a while.

'Stupid long lines at the stupid ice cream parlor, it's a freakin' Friday night! Why aren't people at home or something,' Heth grumbled silently to herself while driving home from the ice cream parlor. There had been a line leading out of the building and on to the sidewalk when Gwynne and she had arrived and yet, still Gwynne insisted on getting ice cream. Now it was 9:30 and they were almost home. Heth and Gwynne lived right next door to each other and they're parents had become fast friends when Heth moved in. Heth and Gwynne decided that while they're parents were gone they'd take turns spending the night at each other's houses. If they hadn't decided this, Gwynne would probably have appeared on Heth's front porch every night, trying to convince her an alien was hiding in her kitchen, or a ghost was in her attic. Heth rolled her eyes at the thought and glanced over at Gwynne. She was astounded to see her asleep when only a few minutes ago she was bouncing around the car. Unfortunately, Heth had taken her eyes off the road at the wrong moment. Looking back to the road, a bright flash blinded Heth and she quickly swerved off the road losing control of the car and sending it spinning. The squeal of brakes and yells filled the air as Heth tried to get control. Luckily they were almost home and all around their houses were fields so they ran no risk of hitting a tree.

"Ah, no! Not the Duckie!" Gwynne yelled as she jerked awake. Rubbing her eyes she looked over to Heth and noticed she was breathing heavily as if she were scared out of her mind. Looking at the windows Gwynne saw dust slowly falling all around, "Whoa what'd I miss?"

Still breathing heavily Heth looked over at Gwynne and said, "There…was this flash of light so I swerved and…and…I don't know what it was!"

"Omigod! Its aliens! I know it!"

"Gwynne, not the time! We could have died!"

"But it is! Look!"

As the dust began to settle and thin in the headlights, on the road there was the unmistakable outline of a group of people. With weapons.

The two girls did the only thing logical to them at the time. They screamed. A lot.

**Ok! Tell us what you think! Reviews please!**

**Next time: The meeting of the fellowship, and a not-so-smooth, introduction to modern living! **


	3. An Introduction Out of the Ordinary

**Hi to all! This is your co-authors Gwynne and Heth, reporting for duty!**

Gwynne: Hiddy-ho!

Heth: What's up?

Gwynne: Ok, since this is the chapter in which we finally meet the fellowship and things get a little more shall we say...complicated. I finally get to meet Pippin in person! swoons

Heth: catches Gwynne and continues as if it's normal we'll be informing you of a few changes to the LOTR characters.

Gwynne: Sits up

Number 1) The Hobbits feet are smaller (large enough to fit into size 13 shoes (Heth: If you can call that small...))

Number 2) This story takes place 7 years after the destruction of the One Ring.

Number 3) Gandalf and Frodo don't go to the Gray Havens for reasons not yet known….

Number 4) Pippin does not marry Diamond dances happily and Faramir doesn't marry Eowyn. She instead falls for Erchirion, one of Prince Imrahil of Dol Amroth's sons.

**Review Response:**

**E.Tphonehome:** To our beloved first reviewer, we are very honored that you added our story to your C2 and we both subscribed to it already. Very nice by the way. Hope to keep you as a reader. You're very complimentary. Gives an author a warm fuzzy feeling. Thanks again for reviewing!

**Reminder: AN:1/ **is Heth and **AN:2/ **is Gwynne.

**Chapter 3: An Introduction Out of the Ordinary**

As the dust settled, Gwynne continued to yell, until finally Heth reached over to Gwynne and put her hand over her friends mouth, while grabbing Gwynne and dragging her down under the dashboard.

"Quiet! It's unlikely that they didn't hear that or see the car by now, but we might as well try." Seeing Gwynne's nod, she carefully peered over the steering wheel.  
'Oh God, please tell me these are just some Renaissance geeks who are a couple months early.' Heth thought worriedly.

Middle Earth Dudes P.O.V.

The rather confused group of friends looked at each other. Each wondering what they had done to deserve such a strange journey. It hadn't been particularly painful, but it had certainly been strange. The Hobbits had been visiting Minas Tirith for the 7th **(AN:2/ Lucky Number!) **anniversary of the destruction of the One Ring. Gandalf had simply decided to tag along as the caretaker of the small hobbits. They had met up with Aragorn and Faramir on the road. The two had apparently finally had enough of their respective advisors and run away for a bit of peace and quiet.

What had happened next would puzzle the group of heroes for many years to come. A loud tearing sound was heard, seemingly from no where. It sounded as though the very fabric of reality was being torn. And in a sense it was. A portal was forming, a portal, that which despite their best efforts they were unable to avoid. The hobbits were sucked in first kicking and screaming the whole way, after that the other three decided to follow to protect their small friends. Upon the last three's entrance, the portal promptly closed.

Faramir's P.O.V.

Faramir looked ahead to see his friends hurtling along with him at an alarming rate. Most of the group was relatively upright except an unfortunate Meriadoc Brandybuck, who was currently precariously spinning every way imaginable, looking sicker to his stomach every minute. If the situation hadn't been so serious Faramir probably would have laughed at the sight, but the look on the unfortunate Hobbits face convinced him otherwise. The light in the tunnel was rapidly getting brighter, until Faramir couldn't help but close his eyes. Then, as suddenly as it had started it stopped. He felt himself whooshing through the air and quickly opened his eyes to the sight of ground coming towards him at a dizzying rate. Panic raced through him as he realized he was about to crash quite painfully into the ground, face first. That is until, Gandalf muttered a few words and the group slowed their descent and landed on their feet. Well, everyone except Pippin, who somehow, managed to turn himself around again and land on his rump.

It seemed they had landed on some kind of black road. The make of which Faramir had never seen nor heard of. Looking around he quickly realized that they were in the middle of rolling hills, with a few buildings in the distance. A bright splotch of colour quickly drew his attention.

'By the Valar, what is that _thing_?' He thought in bewilderment. He was gazing at Gwynne's Orange Honda **(AN:2/ The amazingly awesome one) **in complete shock. Of course, at the time he had absolutely no idea what it was. It looked more like a giant metal monster to him than a source of transportation. He quickly leaned over to Aragorn to consult with him.

"Aragorn, where do you suppose we are? And what is that _thing _over there?" Aragorn shook his head signaling that he had no idea. Pippin being the curious Hobbit that he was, was staring at the car in awe.

"It's so _pretty!!!_'" he said in a near whisper. And before a bewildered Merry could stop him, he ran over to the car and peered inside.

Normal P.O.V.

The sight that greeted Heth when she worked up the courage to look out the window was one that shocked her to the core. The face of a curious man peered into the car.

Suddenly he cried to his companions, "Oi! Come look at this! There's a couple of girls inside!"

Gwynne was in complete shock, the kind of which paralyzes your entire body. But unfortunately for Pippin, Heth, having spent years in foreign countries, knew only too well how to deal with threats. And to her befuddled mind, Pippin was clearly a threat to her preoccupied best friend. She quickly dove out of the door, shocking Pippin quite thoroughly, and put herself in between him and the car door, blocking Gwynne from his view. She quickly hit the lock button and slammed the door, thinking only to keep Gwynne safe.

When the rest of the travelers registered the sight of a young girl diving out of the metal monster and situating herself between Pippin and the spot she had emerged from within the machine in a protective stance, they quickly rushed over in case their friend needed assistance.

Aragorn, being the pacifist king that he was, made his way over to the girl a little quicker than he probably should have. Heth saw this as an attempt to get into the car, and in doing so, get to Gwynne. Resigning herself, she swiftly dropped to her hands and swung around to knock Aragorn off his feet with her legs. Aragorn, clearly not expecting this from a girl, went down hard. The rest of the travelers came forward to help him, but stopped at the sight of the young woman putting the king in a well executed pin.

"Now," Heth started, "Who are you, and what is your purpose here? Start talking, or tall, dark, and scruffy here gets it."

Pippin, being somewhat clueless exclaims, "Gets what? Is it a present? Can I have one too?"

Gwynne hearing the words present pops up, her fear evaporating and rolls down the window a bit to say, "Presents, Heth? Where? Is it chocolate? Drop the chocolate and NO ONE GETS HURT!!!"

The men all jump in surprise again, while Pippin stared at Gwynne in complete fascination. Heth looked up quickly and saw Gwynne peering out at her in confusion.

"Gwynne! Get back in there! We don't know these wack jobs! For all we know they could be murderers or rapists or something." The men looked at each other indignantly, while Gwynne's eyes widened comically and she squeaked nervously. "Omigod!!!! Get back in here!!!!!"

"No. Who's gonna protect you?" Heth replied.

"I don't know... I'll figure it out but you shouldn't be out there with them! I'll scare them away!"

"Gwynne, you can't even scare babies. What are you gonna do?"

"This!" Gwynne pulled her hands up and stuck them out in a playful scratching motion and in a silly voice said, "Roar!"

The faces of the men and Heth fell at Gwynne's attempt and Heth nodded saying, "See? Couldn't scare a baby. You'd probably make it laugh. Now get back in there, and let me handle the questioning. You're too soft to do it."

"But!" Gwynne said indignantly.

"No buts about it! Stay down!" Heth warned protectively.

Gwynne rolled her eyes but sunk back into the car after closing the window a bit more... But not completely...

"Ok," Heth said turning back to Aragorn who was still pinned beneath her. "I'll ask again. Who are you and what are you doing here! And no lies, because I'll know."

At this point, Gandalf finally decided to take control and stepped forward saying, "I am Gandalf the White, and we appear to have come through a portal to your world." Everybody's eyes widened at the wizard's words. Girls and Guys alike.

"Woah, woah woah, there!" Gwynne said popping back up again. "Did you just say Gandalf and Portal in the same sentence? Then could this mean…" She quietly mumbled something to herself that was barely audible about aliens and thanking them.

Heth was so stunned she didn't even get onto Gwynne for popping back up. She shook herself out of it and said, "And you expect us to believe you're a powerful wizard from a fictional story? Which means I'm on top of...King Elessar?" Eyes widening to a size that could rival Gwynne's, her mouth dropped open in shock.

"Which means," Gwynne started looking at Pippin, who was still gazing at her, "That you're... PIPPIN!!!" Gwynne moved faster than Heth had ever seen her move, including the time that Heth's ex had stolen Gwynne's chocolate, dove out of the car to glomp Pippin. "OMIGOD!!! PIPPIN!!!!" She crushed Pippin to her, him looking a little weirded out, but not exactly complaining to have a beautiful young girl hugging him. The rest of the group was just staring at the two of them until Heth snapped out of it and leapt off of Aragorn (much to his relief) to grab onto Gwynne, while Merry grabbed Pippin and together the two began to try and pull the pair apart, Gwynne resisting the whole way. "NOOOOOOOOO!!! HETH!!! STOP IT!!! CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S PIPPIN!"

'So, her name is Heth.' Faramir thought, watching her attempt to separate her friend from Pippin. Heth had finally had enough and stood over the two with a glare so threatening it made the men of Middle Earth shrink back a bit. She looked especially threatening wearing all black, and said in voice that was eerily calm, "Nicole Gwynne Kerrigan, get off him, right now, or you will NEVER have chocolate again. Ever." Gwynne stared up at Heth and whimpered, "Fine." while she reluctantly let Pippin go. "JeezHeth, you can be such a spoil sport." She whined further sticking her tongue out.

'That was definitely impressive.' Faramir thought, amazed, as he had never seen a woman give anyone a look quite as nasty as the one Heth gave Gwynne after her comment. Not even the Lady Eowyn. 'No,' He thought quickly, 'I won't think about that disaster. She made her choice.'

After getting Gwynne calmed down and checking her own temper, Heth turned back to the men and asked, "So you guys are from Middle Earth?" which gained her nods. "You came here through a portal, which you have no idea how it was created?" More nods.

"Ok... Not like this is weird." Everyone else looked at her as though she'd grown another head. "What? Its called sarcasm, people, embrace it! It has a razor sharp edge!" More stares.

"Yeah...ok." Gwynne said, breaking the silence, not at all seeming freaked out by the situation. She seemed more excited, as if all her dreams had come true, which in truth they finally had. "So let's see who we have here...Gandalf...Aragorn, so you must be Faramir and of course who couldn't recognize the famed Frodo, his trusty gardener Samwise, ah, so, that's Merry and _Pippin_!" At this last name she made to hug the Hobbit again but Heth stopped her. Gwynne wasn't the only one to pout, Pippin looked plenty sad as well.

"Ok, Gwynne," Heth began, "I know you love Pippin and all and you're kind of obsessed with him, but you technically just met him. Slow down." Gwynne looked absolutely scandalized by Heth's comment to which Heth replied, "Oh what? It's not as if you didn't already give that impression by practically jumping him!" She turned to Aragorn and sheepishly said, "And uh, sorry for pining you..."

Aragorn smiled and said, "'Tis forgiven my lady, it was very admirable of you to protect your friend." Heth blushed and muttered a quick "Thank you", before turning to face the whole group. "Well I don't know about you guys, but I don't feel like spending the night out here, and it's already 10:00. So we should probably go to my house and get some sleep, then figure out what to do in the morning."

"Oh Heth! I thought you said earlier that they could be murderers or even rapists," she said teasingly as she mocked Heth.

"Yes, well, I believe, what these men say is true. It would explain the flashing light I saw that caused me to swerve from the road," Heth explained.

"Well if you ladies need more convincing may I willingly demonstrate, that I am, in fact, the white wizard Gandalf?" Gandalf offered as he came forward holding his staff before him.

"Oh yes! Please do!" Gwynne jumped up and down excitedly. Gandalf needed no more to be said and raised his staff off of the ground while chanting a few words. Upon slamming his staff back onto the ground, a deafening crack was heard and bright flash of light was emitted from the top of the staff, allowing the girls a better view of the new arrivals. "Ooooo, ahhhh!" Gwynne muttered mouth agape.

"Yes, I believe you all, so shall we head to my house now?" Heth looked to the group for an answer.

The boys from Middle Earth consented after glancing at each other. Gwynne led them over a few hills closer to the buildings they had seen on their first look at the landscape, using the white light emitted from Gandalf's staff as a flashlight in the dark. Heth drove the car up to her house and parked it. Gwynne laughed at the men's faces when they saw the 'Metal Monster' move and zoom off with Heth behind the wheel. Heth was worried at first about leaving her friend with the men but if she knew them as the men she had read about so many times in Tolkien's books her friend would be absolutely fine, plus she was not about to let Gwynne display to the new comers how to NOT drive a car. Furthermore, she knew her friend could use her long legs to run quickly if need be.

Gwynne arrived to the Heth's home only shortly after Heth, who greeted them at the door. Heth could tell Gwynne had talked the entire time bringing them over seeing as when we opened the door her friend was still rambling on some note about how she was absolutely sure this was some feat of the aliens bringing the fellowship here. While she had been waiting for them to arrive, Heth had managed to change into a pair shorts and a large shirt that she wore to bed. It had been a long night and she had decided to leave the showering till the morning, in order to avoid having to explain such devices to the out of time visitors. Heth, despite being an avid night owl, wanted nothing more than to lock her doors, flop onto her bed, listen to "Sixpence None the Richer", and get a handle on the situation at hand. Heth invited them all into her home and Gwynne couldn't help but giggle as she watched the men's reactions of awe to the architecture and make of the building which they entered. Faramir was the only to be more enthralled with the sight of Heth's bare legs displayed and blushed slightly at the sight.

"Welcome to my humble abode," Heth said smiling bringing them into her home. The men followed Gwynne's example and placed the muddied shoes by the door.

"Humble? My dear lady, I would call this far from humble." Aragorn looked to Heth surprised she'd call her home humble.

"Well...yes. Faramir, Aragorn I hope you do not mind staying in the same room together and the hobbits I hope you do not mind either. Humble or not my house contains only so many bedrooms." Heth asked to make sure the arrangements she had planned for bedding would be alright with all. At their nods, Heth continued, "Well then Faramir and Aragorn you may stay in my sister's room." As Heth made her way over to her sister's room, Gwynne tugged on her sleeve and whispered the question, "Hobbits in parents or guest?"

"Guest. There's a king sized bed that should be more than enough room for four hobbits." Heth answered. Nodding, Gwynne took the hobbits to their room, leaving Heth with Gandalf, Faramir, and Aragorn to instruct. Walking into her sister's room, Heth pulled a spare mattress from under her sister's bed.

"I'm afraid one of you will be sleeping on the floor on an extra mattress. I'm sorry but it's all I can do. I hope that's alright," Heth said as she grabbed sheets to make both beds. Her sister was at grad school so the bed wasn't usually made up. Faramir quickly grabbed her hands halting her motions and simply gesturing that the blankets would be fine.

"My dear lady, there is no need for you to apologize. You have already welcomed us, mere strangers, into your home without a second thought." Faramir looked into Heth's eyes as he said this. Aragorn and Gandalf nodded their agreement.

Heth blushed and looked away shyly. "Well I bid you a good night and I hope you rest comfortably. If you have any problems during the night knock on my door, it's the painted door at the end of the hall. Only one painted, so you can't miss it. Gandalf if I could show you to your room, please follow me." She shut the door to the room behind her and sighed happily thinking of how Faramir had looked directly into her eyes and held her hands gently, but quickly snapped out of her day dream as she remembered Gandalf still needed to be placed in his room. As she walked past the guest bedroom she looked in to check on Gwynne and saw she was demonstrating to the hobbits the wonders of bouncing on a bed. Heth rolled her eyes and smiled, as she continued on her way to her parent's room. Flipping on the light, she entered the room and turned to Gandalf. "This is where you may sleep," she hid a yawn as she said this.

"Please my lady, rest yourself. It must have been a strenuous night on you to be so suddenly burdened by our appearance and having to house us on such short notice. I thank you for trusting us as much," Gandalf said eloquently and bowed slightly towards Heth. As Heth shut the door to the room she thought to herself 'I could get used to this "my lady" bit.' Walking past the guest room she looked into the guest room to the sight of Gwynne still jumping on the bed with the hobbits. Frodo though seemed the only one who wasn't enjoying himself and was sitting silently, seemingly staring off into space, while Sam looked disapprovingly at Merry and Pippin. Heth leaned on the door frame waiting for Gwynne to notice she was there, which wasn't long at all. Gwynne soon realized Heth was watching and jumped off the bed running to her. "Good night guys! See ya' in the morn!"

"Good night lady Gwynne!" Merry, Pippin, and Sam replied while Frodo remained silent. Heth closed the door as Gwynne happily spun past her.

"Did you hear that? They called me lady Gwynne! If they keep calling me that, I'm going to have to act more lady-like!" Gwynne laughed. Heth placed a finger over her mouth signaling her friend to be quieter. Gwynne gasped and placed her hand over her mouth in apology and followed Heth to her bedroom. Heth did exactly what she had been wanting to do, she turned on "Sixpence None the Richer" and flopped onto her bed while Gwynne changed into a pair of random sayings **(AN:2/ Internet saying's such as: OMG! LOL! ROFL! And other such things)** PJ pants and a tank top. Gwynne locked the doors of the room, as Heth instructed her too, and joined her friend on the bed. Heth's head was still bustling with questions but soon she found herself sound asleep.

**Sorry. We haven't really introduced the guys to modern living yet, but we definitely will next chapter. Besides, this was the longest chapter so far anyway. A bit of a challenge to write so please tell me how I did. I originally had a different ending planned out but Gwynne wrote an alternate one which I think works marvelously. I like it better than mine, after all I was tired when I wrote mine. Dad put me to work in the yard this afternoon. shivers So much dirt. rocks back and forth**

**Heth signing out!**

**Read and Review People!**


	4. Embarrassing Explanations

**Hello to all! I am so sorry for the delay. There was a misunderstanding about who was writing the next chapter and Gwynne just got all confused. This isn't the length of one of our normal chapters, but this is to tide you guys over until I can get onto Gwynne about writing an appropriate length chapter. Once again I apologize for the delay. Gwynne and I have Spring Break coming up soon (our school is REALLY late this year) so there may soon be another lapse in our writing schedule, but I promise, I'll try to get a few chapters up before then.**

**Heth**

**Review Response:**

**E.TPhonehome:** Our beloved first reviewer, I'm so sorry for the delay! I hope Gwynne replied to all your messages, (I never even got them, the account is hooked up to Gwynne's email and she always forgets to send me the messages). I sincerely hope that this chapter can tide you over until Gwynne writes another chapter. Thank you for your patience and support, I sincerely hope to keep you as a reader.

**Sheela:** Unfortunately it is a little hard to respond to reviews like yours, when there isn't really a review just two words, one of which was negative. Not very uplifting. If you could please give us a little more feedback about what earned the 'no', it would be much appreciated.

**Altoid: **First off, I love Altoids. Especially the tangerine flavored ones. So, consequently I love you name as well. I'm very pleased to hear that you found our story so amusing, I hope it stays that way. I'm sorry for the delay but hopefully, the story will live up to it's potential. Thanks for reviewing!

**Kittle425:** I'm glad you liked it so much! It'd be nice to have someone else check over Gwynne's grammar as well as me. I just might take you up on the offer. Keep reading, and hope you enjoy this chapter however short it may be. Thanks for reviewing.

**TO ALL READERS: We, at Nerds in Black, appreciate your thoughts and opinions, on our writing and sincerely hope that you keep reviewing and we promise to address each and every review, because the very fact that you took the time to read our work and then tell us what you thought, is extremely encouraging and we feel that to respond to you, is encouraging to you, and frankly, polite. Reviews, either Encouraging or Constructive criticism is always welcome, flames however, are not. Please keep this in mind when reviewing. **

**Thank you.**

**Now, on with the story!**

**Chapter 4: Embarrassing Explanations**

Heth awoke to the sound of timid knocking on her bedroom door. Turning over in her cocoon of blankets, she rubbed her eyes sleepily before crawling out of bed. Her legs managed to get tangled in the bed sheets and with a dull thud she fell to the floor. Cursing, she rubbed her sore jaw and glanced up at Gwynne who was still wrapped up cozily in the blankets, light snores coming from her open mouth.

Heth started towards the door maneuvering her way around Gwynne's clothes and bag. She thought 'Damn, How can she sleep through all this noise.' As she stubbed her toe on one of Gwynne's clunky big shoes which she really didn't need since she was already so tall. 'She'll probably have to stop wearing them around Pippin.' She thought amusedly. She finally managed to make it to the door without anymore injuries and opened it to reveal a rather sheepish looking Faramir, hand still posed to knock.

On Faramir's part, he was a little shocked with Heth's disheveled appearance. Her long reddish-brown hair was the epitome of mused with the long strands tangled together. Her much too large shirt had fallen over one shoulder and she was continually rubbing her eyes.

"Umm…Faramir, what's up? At…. 3 O'clock in the morning…"

Faramir blushed but plunged ahead, "Milady, you said if we needed help to ask you. I'm sorry to trouble you so early in the morn, but I need instruction on one of your modern appliances…quite urgently."

She blinked at the last part but realization quickly dawned over her and she was forced to fight the grin that was threatening to split across her face. Strictly composing herself, she nodded and asked, "Which 'appliance'?"

Faramir's blush now completely covered his face and was quickly spreading to his ears and neck, "The Toilet." He said in a very small voice. So quiet, that Heth could have played deaf and made him say it again, but she decided to take pity on him. "No problem." She said motioning for him to follow her, as she made her way to the bathroom down the hall.

Upon entering the bathroom, Heth pointed at the toilet and said "It's quite simple really, you either lift the seat and aim," This caused poor Faramir's blush to deepen if that was even possible as Heth continued matter-of-factly, "Or you leave the seat down and sit to do your thing." Faramir nodded wanting the explanation to be over with as soon as possible. "Then use the toilet paper here, and then flush it all down by pressing down this silver lever here."

After quickly showing him how to operate the sink and warning him quite seriously of the consequences he faced if he didn't put the seat back down, she beat a hasty retreat to her room, before succumbing to helpless giggles. It wasn't that she thought him stupid, 'No, I mean, it's perfectly understandable. He's probably never seen a toilet like ours before. But his face was jolly funny!' She shook her head and crept back to bed jumping over obstacles. She stopped when she reached the bed where Gwynne was still seeping peacefully, and shrugged as she flopped onto her bed and quickly fell back into dreamland.

**Well? What did you think? Short, I know but this is a short before the long sort of chapter until Gwynne can sit down and write the next chapter. Please remember to review!!! Thanks!**


	5. Death By Water Gun

**Gwynne: Hello to all! Welcome to Chapter 5 of _Middle Meets Earth_!!!!! Written by your truly!**

**Heth: With review responses and AN by me!**

**Gwynne: We apologize for the wait for this chapter. Things have been hectic lately and will probably only get worse since we're near the end of the year, so please have patience.**

**Heth: Thanks we appreciate it! Now on to the Review Responses then the story! **

**Review Response:**

**E.Tphonehome:** blinks Umm…. Legolas isn't in this story. Nor is any other elf character. I mean Gwynne and I have nothing against elves. (Love 'em) Just they aren't in this particular story. And don't worry; all is right with the world. We're both girls. laughs Thanks for Reviewing!

**Kittle425:** Toilet scenes are always funny. You know, there are some toilet scenes that are only funny if you have a dirty imagination (like me) or something super embarrassing happens to them like in Home Alone 3 when he slams his thing with the toilet seat (apparently AGAIN) or some other movie when he caught himself in the zipper (ok, I'm female and just the thought of that makes me wince). Hopefully the laughs will stay strong. Thanks for Reviewing!

**Just Me:** First off, welcome new reviewer! It always makes an author giddy to open the review account and see that there's a new review let alone one from someone new! Yay! As far as the Legolas exclusion goes, I like the character Legolas, but I feel that after all the non-Tolkein fans (girls mostly…hopefully) went totally gaga over Orlando Bloom it sort of sullied the character for me. (For me. Don't know how Gwynne feels) Besides I always like Eomer, Faramir, or Aragorn the best. My character is set to have a pretty drab home life and I felt that would strike a particularly strong chord with Faramir. Plus I love Faramir. I mean Gwynne gets her whole Pippin thing, why can't I have Faramir? Anyway, thanks so much for reviewing and we hope to keep you as a reader (hopefully as a reviewer as well, you're so complimentary). Thanks again.

**Chapter 5: Death By Water Gun**

Heth slowly awoke to the sounds of "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith coming from her alarm clock. Heth lay there, just watching her ceiling fan turn above her head, allowing herself to wake up fully. She turned over to look at Gwynne, who had successfully burrowed underneath the blankets so that all that was visible was a large lump beneath the comforter. Shaking her head, Heth glanced up at the alarm clock and groaned, 7:15.

'Damnit, I forgot to turn off my alarm clock. The first freakin' day of Spring Break and I forget to turn off my Alarm clock.' Rolling her eyes she shrugs and figures she might as well start on Breakfast. Peanut Butter Pancakes. She glanced over at Gwynne again, or at least the bundle of blankets concealing her and decided she wouldn't wake for a good while yet. Deciding to get dressed later, she stepped out into the hallway and silently padded her way to the kitchen as the rest of the house continued to sleep peacefully… or so she thought.

Cutting through the Living Room she failed to notice the figure that sat in the big comfy chair by the T.V.

"Uhm…Milady?" Faramir said sheepishly, thinking it only polite to announce his presence, blushed deeply once again at Heth's disheveled appearance and bare legs.

"Ahhhh!" Heth yelped and jumped back in surprise, not expecting another person to be awake in the house. Faramir quickly stood up to apologize, "I'm terribly sorry for frightening you milady, I only thought to announce my presence since you seemed to not notice."

Heth looked up with a rather dazed expression, "No, no that's fine. I was just… a little….surprised." Heth reassured him. She was rather disconcerted to find herself unconsciously fiddling with her hair, trying to comb out the tangles…something she had never worried about before. "I just didn't think anyone else was up." She flashed him a quick smile hoping to show him it was all right. "So I guess you couldn't sleep, huh?" She continued walking towards the kitchen as she spoke, in hopes that Faramir would follow.

"No I'm afraid not," Faramir answered trailing along behind Heth.

"I suppose that is understandable," Heth nodded, "I don't think I would get much sleep during my first night in a strange new world either. Just let me know if there's anything I can do to make your stay here seem more welcome." (AN:1 Not THAT way you perverts)

"Oh, no! I could ask no more of you. Allowing mere strangers into your house and doing your best to make them comfortable for the night, I must admit I am greatly indebted to you and your friend. If there is any favor _you_ need please feel free to ask and I will comply," Faramir bowed. (AN:1 Once again not THAT way)

Heth's blushed lightly and smiled to herself wishing more men in the world were such gentlemen. She hid her face in the cupboard, "Well…. there is one thing you can do for me," she replied as she rummaged through the cupboard.

"Anything."

"Here." She tossed him a jar of peanut butter and ran over to the silverware draw and grabbed a spoon. "Tell me if you like peanut butter."

"Peanut butter?"

"Yes," Heth laughed. It was such a strange idea to think someone had never heard of peanut butter before. She scooped some out onto the spoon for him and handed it over to him. "Just try, I'm sure you'll like it."

Faramir complied and Heth couldn't surprise a giggle when his eye lit up and he nodded in enjoyment. "Alright, good then! So now I know at least 2 people here will enjoy these pancakes I'm making for breakfast. And I'm sure I won't have to worry bout the hobbits not liking them. Could you give me a hand by chance?"

"Oh yes of course," Faramir nodded once more.

"Well first off, let me take these off your hands," Heth said as she took the peanut butter jar and spoon from Faramir and placed them on the counter beside the sink, "Now, if you would go to the cabinet over there and grab a large flat pan please."

Happy at a chance to repay his debt, Faramir hurried over to the cabinet Heth had pointed at and immediately spotted the oddly shaped pan wedged into the tightly packed cabinet. "Found it!" He cried, smiling as he quickly jerked it out from under other pots and pans without thinking of the consequences.

Heth looked over to make sure he had gotten the right one and let out a yelp as a landslide of pots and pans fell on top of Faramir.

Gwynne sat up quickly, making a mountain out of the blankets on the bed, at the sound of the loud crash. Eyes still closed she mumbled some gibberish and turned her head back and forth, making the mountain of blankets rotate with her. At the sound of more clanging, she rubbed one of her eyes and threw the blankets off of her. Flopping back down, she squinted her eyes and peaked at the clock. 7:42.

"W-T-F?" She mumbled and began to scoot towards the edge of the bed. In her zombie like daze she accidentally misplaced her hand on air rather than the edge of the bed and quickly found herself sprawled on the floor. "Owieee! My head!" She whimpered and curled into the fetal position while grabbing her head. Hearing a few more clanging noises similar to what woke her, she froze were she sat. Her eyes grew wide as she remembered what had happened night before.

'Oh no…,' she thought as she looked around her. 'W-where's Heth." Oblivious to her surroundings she had just now realized that Heth wasn't in the room with her. 'Oh my gawd! I knew it! They were alien invaders! They must have taken on the forms of our favorite characters to trick us so that they could get close to us and implant their face sucking baby larvae's on us!" Gwynne hurriedly scrambled over to her bag and grabbed the water gun she always carried with in case of emergencies. With that in hand she quietly crept into the bathroom and ran some water into the toy gun. The clanging had finally ceased but Gwynne's heart still raced. Thinking that the aliens must have finished their implantation ceremony and what not, only made her pop the top back onto the squirt gun all the quicker and scramble back to her bag. She grabbed her cell phone (just in case she needed to call for back up) (AN:1 Though who would be psycho enough to answer I don't know) from it and placed it in the sole back pocket of her PJ's and ran out the door. Dashing down the hallway on tip toes, keeping as close to the wall as possible like she had seen so many characters in video games and cartoons do she came to the corner that led into the kitchen. Still not fully awake she mistook the loud commotion of many different voices in the kitchen as some form of alien communication

'This is it,' she thought as she took a deep breath. Hopping around the corner she shakily raised the gun and shouted, "AHHHHH! LEAVE MY FRIEND ALONE ALIEN SCUMBAGS!"

"Gwynne, what in the hell?" Heth said turning to her friend. All of the fellowship had gathered in the kitchen quicker than Gwynne after the commotion and all but the hobbits now stood staring dumbfounded at Gwynne and her water pistol. The hobbits had their hands raised as if they were about to be arrested.

"Heth shhhh! I know at I'm doing! These are aliens in disguise! I heard them transplanting their control devices slash larva babies into your head…" Gwynne hastily explained but unable to finish when Heth interrupted her by grabbing the gun from her hands and saying, "Dimwit! What your heard was Faramir's attempt to find the frying pan!"

"Oh! So does that mean we're having pancakes then?" Gwynne said forgetting about her alien invader theories at the thought of food.

"Yes, yes we're having pancakes, peanut butter actually." Heth said as she squirted some of the water from the gun into her hands.

"Oh yay!" Gwynne leaped in to give Heth a hug but was stopped by Heth's hand.

"Uhm…Gwynne? Water?" She said holding up her other hand so Gwynne could she the trail of water dripping down her hand.

"Oh yeah, duh Heth that's what you put in a _water_ gun," Gwynne said laughing.

"No. What I meant was if you were attacking aliens, your weapon of choice would be water?"

"Yeah! Ever seen Signs? Well…"

"You know what? On second thought I don't think I even want to know," Heth said shaking her head and turning to the fellowship. Pippin still had his hands up as if he had gotten spotted by a search light. (An:1 Which is funny Gwynne because he wouldn't know about being arrested or searchlights) Merry quickly pulled them down when Heth looked at him funnily. "Sorry 'bout that guys, Gwynne has her ahem moments," She glared at Gwynne. "But if you would all take a seat in the living room while I cook us some breakfast I'm sure Gwynne here would be delighted to show you the wonders of something we call T.V."

"Oh yeah I'd love…," Gwynne began but her eyes all of a sudden got really big. "Eep! Sorry wait a minute, I'm afraid my pants are vibrating." Heth raised an eyebrow not sure what her friend was talking about and the two remaining Middle Earthlings who had yet to migrate into the living room, Merry and Pippin, opened their mouths in confusion. But soon all became clear to Heth when her friend turned around and flipped open a cell phone.

"Ummm…alright…Yep that's ok….see you in a bit then!" Gwynne said into the phone and then clicked it shut. Turning back to the kitchen she was bombarded with questions.

"Your pants vibrate?!"

"Were you just talking to yourself then?"

"Gwynne! Who are you seeing in a bit?"

"Oh no," Gwynne laughed, "My pants do not vibrate but my cell phone does," She said taking it back out and showing it to Pippin. "No I was not talking to myself," she said in reply to Merry's question, "I was talking to my Aunt who said she'd be here in about an hour's time to check up with us and bring us some groceries that she thought we might need." The last bit offered up Heth an answer to her question that she was not exactly happy with.

"What do you mean your aunt will be here in a bit to check up on us?!"

**Oh!!!! Cliffy! I know this chapter was long in coming that was mostly my fault (Heth) so I apologize profusely! Please Review!!!!!!! **


	6. Close Encounters and Hag Aunts

**Welcome to Chapter 6 of Middle Meets Earth! We're sorry for the delay (again) but school is school. You all know how it goes. Anyway, this next chapter was written by moi, (Heth) so please review and tell me what you think!**

**Review Reponses:**

**Kittle 425: We're glad you found it entertaining. According to Gwynne we're attempting to make this story as realistic as possible (Heth: yeah, with the fellowship popping in and everything, it's VERY realistic. In MY dreams!) Anyway, thanks for reviewing, keep it up and we hope you enjoy the chapter!**

**Just Me: Keep up the good reviews! Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. (although Heth, is writing this response Gwynne is very happy you like her writing. Heth: She's munching on trail mix happily. Gwynne: And it's yummy! Like you review response…and the review!!) Alien Larvae babies is pure unadulterated Gwynnie. Spielberg stole it from her. (Gwynne: He soo did. I'm gonna hafta show him who's boss. AHHH this stuff's addicting! (trail mix)) So, thanks for the review and PLEASE review more! **

**GurlinGreen: Fabulous! DO you hear that Gwynne? Fabulous! We feel so loved! (Gwynne in the background cheering) FABULOUS!!! TAKE THAT MRS. PETERSON!!!! (Ok… my English teacher doesn't like me very much….hehehe.) Yeah, it's pure Gwynne right there. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Tolkeinfan1: I'm sure you're stories are fabulous and between you and me, I have to do a lot of revision on Gwynne's because she doesn't always spell things out. (Ex: u instead of you.) But thank you for reviewing! It's always nice to have a review from a new reader! And a Tolkein fan at that! Wunderbar! (Sorry, we both take German. Gwynne: And Heth used to live there!) So please review again! It's wonderful (wunderbar) to hear from you!**

**Chapter 6: Close Encounters and Hag Aunts**

Heth stared at Gwynne in complete bafflement. "You just told your Aunt to come right on over?" She said while stomping into the living room, Gwynne, Merry, and Pippin following. Her next statement grabbed everyone's attention.

"Did it ever occur to you that she might wonder why there are seven strange males in the house? She's gonna think we're having some strange midget orgy or something!"

Gwynne's mouth snapped close and she said, "She wouldn't think that about me!"

"Oh but she would about me!" Heth countered, "She already thinks I'm a horrible influence on you after she walked in on me dancing around while saying 'shit' because you sprayed me with silly string."

"Well…yes. But that's beside the point! Besides, Gandalf's responsible looking, no one would ever think he'd let something 'unsavory' happen."

"That'll just make it worse! Old guy orgy! I can see the police reports now! The restraining order!"

The fellowship simply watched this exchange with the attitude of spectators at a Tennis match. Back and forth, back and forth all the while wondering, 'What the hell is going on?' At the word Gandalf and orgy however, (a word that sounded vaguely similar to….) their attention was piqued. Gandalf's mouth opened but for once in his very long life had absolutely no idea what to say. Of course, he'd never had a rather forward girl like Heth talking about him either. Their attention was brought back by Heth finally saying, "Well this rules out pancakes for breakfast. No time."

In truth, Gwynne looked more pained at the thought of missing Heth's awesome cooking than at seeing her Aunt. But she could see the reason behind it. "Ok. I'll go grab some granola bars for everyone. Hopefully it'll tide us over until she's gone."

Heth glanced at the Hobbits forlorn faces and heard a stomach growl. Even Frodo's normally blank face was sad at the thought of missing food, not understanding what granola was. "Somehow, I seriously doubt any amount of granola will satisfy these Hobbits. But it can't be helped since SOMEONE didn't think to stall!"

Gwynne defended her actions, "She said she was bringing food!" The Hobbits immediately cheered, "Let her in!" Heth glanced at Aragorn and Faramir. Seeing their shrugs she gave in. "Ok, Gwynne you distribute the granola bars while I find places to hide them in their rooms."

Gwynne nodded and ran into the kitchen and threw a box of granola bars to Heth as she quickly began putting pancake ingredients back, grimacing as she did so. Heth, after passing out the breakfast bars, led the Fellowship back to their rooms speaking quickly to them as she went. "Hopefully, it'll be fine if you just wait in your rooms without making any noise but if her Aunt gets nosey you might have to hide." She stopped at the Hobbits room and opened the door, shepherding them in and pointing to the closet as Gwynne joined them.

Heth continued, "Ok, how about if we need you to hide, Gwynne will trip over herself, and shout "fudgecicles" and that'll be your que to hide." Everyone nodded in agreement and leaving the Hobbits in their room, the group continued onto Gandalf's room. Gwynne glanced over at Heth uneasily and said, "Heth? Do you think maybe you could hide too? You know, just so there's no tension between you and Aunt Leslie and she'll be gone faster." Heth shrugged and replied, "Fine by me. I don't really want to talk to her anyway."

As the group was entering Gandalf's room, the doorbell rang. Gwynne and Heth glanced at each other in alarm.

"Shit!" Heth exclaimed, "The Old Bird's early! Run to the door but stop in on the Hobbits and tell them to hide anyway. Just shout 'fudgecicles' if it actually comes to you guys checking the rooms."

Normally, Gwynne would have said something about the 'Old Bird' comment but was too flustered to respond past a quick, "Ok." She quickly ran out the door as Heth shoved Aragorn and Gandalf into the closet and cursed when she realized Faramir couldn't possibly fit in the closet with them. She grabbed his arm and ran to the next room….hers. She heard the sound of two voices getting closer. One was that of her best friend and the other of an older woman who was beyond caring whether her voice sounded like a constant witches cackle. She heard Gwynne trip and shout "Fudgecicles" and cursed again. She grabbed Faramir and yanked him into the closet with her.

Gwynne's P.O.V.

'I love my Aunt and everything, but this is seriously annoying!' Gwynne thought with a slightly dimmer smile than usual.

"So where is that bum of a friend of yours?" Aunt Leslie asked.

Gwynne looked up indignant in Heth's place, though if the girl in question had been there she surely would have let the older crone have it. (An:2/ Heth!) "She's at….Wal-mart buying clothes." Gwynne covered. (AN:1/ Oh yeah, that doesn't make me sound like a bum Gwynne…) (She glanced around praying that the Fellowship hadn't left anything outside of their rooms and her concern was so great that she almost missed her Aunt's request, more like order.

"Well, let's go through the house and see how much of a house keeper the little bitch is." At this remark (which unfortunately was very close to Heth's room, and seeing as she had good hearing….) Gwynne looked up shocked at her Aunt's callousness. Now, Gwynne had never been the type for confrontations but she was dangerously close to yelling at her Aunt.

Meanwhile….in the closet Heth's P.O.V.

'Holy Shit. He's so close….and we can't take the risk of shifting if that old witch hears us…Not that there's any room to move anyway.' Heth thought in a daze.

She shifted uncomfortably and Faramir moved over, attempting to give her as much space as possible, which wasn't much considering they were still smashed together. Heth was just tall enough that her head fit under his chin, glancing up she could practically feel his stubble on her forehead.

Faramir's P.O.V.

'Sweet Elbereth, this is a rather……close situation.' (AN:1/ He's eloquent even in his head! OO Swoons)­­­­­­­­­­­­ Faramir thought gazing down at the top of her head. 'I didn't notice before….. but her hair isn't just brown….it's red.' He was brought out of his thoughts by the sensation of someone staring at him. Glancing down, he caught Heth's eyes, causing her to blush.

Normal P.O.V.

But neither captain, nor nerd heard the sound of someone getting closer to their hiding spot, so wrapped up in the moment were they. Faramir found himself caught in Heth's intense hazel-green eyed gaze, as he brought his face closer to hers. Heth found herself rising onto her tip toes. As lovely as this picture is however, the two had rushed into it a little too quickly, causing them to knock heads together painfully. (AN:2/ Swing and Miss!!) Heth cried out as her head reverberated painfully, though not quite as painfully as her pride. 'Embarrassing much?' She thought shrewdly. 'Nice going Heth.'

Of course Faramir was a bit more… mortified shall we say. I mean come on, macho pride SMASHED! Once again, both occupants were too wrapped up in themselves to here the clamor outside. They were finally shaken from their thoughts by a loud cackle like voice screaming "NICOLE GWYNNE KERRIGAN, LET ME SEE WHAT MADE THAT NOISE IN THE CLOSET!!!!!"

**CLIFFY!!! What will happen next time? Will Gwynne stall her hag Aunt? Will Faramir's male pride recover? Will Heth and Faramir ever kiss? Will the respective Hobbits, Wizard and King stay hidden?!?!?!**

**Find out next time on…….**

**MIDDLE MEETS EARTH!!!**

**AN:1 & 2/ Don't forget to review!!!!!!**


	7. Closet Infestations

**Welcome to another chapter of MIDDLE MEETS EARTH!! We apologize for the delay, Gwynnie had a serious case of Writer's Block and Heth was on vacation. (Heth: Without Computers! It wasn't vacation, it was hell!)**

**Review Response:**

**Just Me:** **We LOVE your reviews, you're always so awesome in them. Getting compliments makes a writer's day! It also helped that you were the only one who reviewed for that last chapter. The only other review was bad and for the first chapter. Thank you again your reviews mean so much to Gwynne and I. Thank you so much! We again apologize profusely for such a long wait on an update.**

**Well…: Although this review was for the first chapter, I'm still going to reply even if the reviewer isn't going to read this since "Sorry... but it kinda sucks." Frankly, the lack of a reason in this review pisses me off. You don't just tell someone their story sucks on the first chapter without giving you a reason. The fact that this was an anonymous review does not escape me. Rather curious that the two bad reviews have both been anonymous. **

This review forces me to reiterate a point I made in a AN in a previous chapter. I'm sorry if it isn't so eloquently put as last time. We are looking for Critiques here. Not jerks who aren't going to give us a reason for why it sucks. We are looking to better our writing skills so in the future we can be better. We appreciate the fact that someone takes the time to leave us a review, but please, if you want to waste your time and say something like that and not give a reason fine. But don't send it. Honestly, flames like that, even if they are mild, hurt. If there was a reason, we could at least try to improve on it. Honestly, you made Gwynnie cry!

Anyway! On with the story!

**Chapter 7: Closet Infestation**

Gwynne couldn't honestly say that her Aunt had never scared her. In fact she terrified her. It was no wonder the woman had never married, since she was a holy terror and her voice could probably have shattered glass. On one of the rare occasions that her Mother had been paying attention to her, Gwynne, had asked her the all important question: What happened to Aunt Leslie?** (AN:1/ You guys so thought I was gonna say "where do babies come from?" didn't you?)**

Gwynne couldn't remember the whole answer now, but, she did remember it was quite sad; something about her boyfriend smashing her heart and her never really getting over it and becoming an old bitter maid. But anyway Gwynne had bigger things to worry about then her Aunt's sad past. Such as, Aunt Leslie practically clawing her way to the closet. All Gwynne could think was 'She can't open that door! I don't know if one of the Fellowship is in there or not but I can't risk it!' Having never been good at lying, even when it was rehearsed, she decided to tell the truth…. Or at least the truth she had believed in that morning.

"You can't go in there Aunt Leslie!...Because it's infested." She cried.

"Infested?" Her Aunt crowed. "I knew that brat couldn't keep house worth crap! What's it infested with? Termites? Ants? Roaches?"

Inside the closet, Heth, still nursing her pride couldn't help but think 'The only thing my house is infested with is Aunts, you dried up old prune.' (**An:1/ My verbal pun for the day.)**

"No." continued Gwynne, "With Aliens!!!!!!"

In the closet Heth's eyes bulge as she starts to wish she had given Gwynne lessons on how to lie properly without sounding completely insane. Faramir on the other hand continued to look utterly clueless which was understandable since he had never heard of aliens but he gathered from the faces Heth was making that it was a rather poor excuse.

Gwynne not seeing her fumble seeing as she actually believed it, continued unperturbed, "They suck your brains out and put their larvae babies in place!!!! You walk around for weeks with a blank stare on your face until your head explodes!!!"

'Kind of like her.' Heth couldn't help but think. 'I mean I love her to death but she's a bit of an airhead sometimes.'

Aunt Leslie had a blank stare on her face, but it wasn't because of any larvae babies.

"Dear God." her Aunt began slowly, "What is that little bitch feeding you? You've gone insane! You're beautiful mind ruined!!!! I can't take it. I'm leaving but I'll be back when that little bitch is back to give her a piece of my mind!"

'Probably a good bit of her spittle too.' Heth thought bitterly.

Stomping was heard and then the slam of a door. The Crisis was over. But Heth's temper was just being unleashed.

"THAT OLD CRONE!!!! WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? PIECE OF HER MIND? I'LL GIVE HER A FOOT IN THE ASS!!"

Faramir continued to stare at the girl he had almost kissed with a dumbfounded look on his face. Meanwhile Gwynne runs into the other rooms informing the rest of the household of her Aunt's departure when the group heard Heth's shrieks. Everyone starts running to Heth's bedroom wondering what all her shouting was about. Upon arrival they witnessed Heth pacing around her room fuming with Faramir still partially in the closet trying to stay out of her way.

Gwynne runs in and grabs Heth by the shoulders and begins shaking her. "I'm so SORRY about what she said! She's just a mean old woman!"

Heth finally looks up and notices the crowd.

"Ummm…whatever I guess." Glancing at her watch she realized the may have well get lunch instead of breakfast. A stomach growl coming from Pippin seconded her unspoken notion.

"Well we might as well see what groceries your Hag of an Aunt brought us." Heth decided as she started towards the kitchen, grabbing the grocery bags on her way and shifting through them. "She brought us spinach!"

"Ewwww!!!! I hate spinach!" Gwynne cried.

Heth blinked owlishly, "Really? I love it. Maybe you've just never eaten it prepared properly. Anyway you take all of them into the living room and introduce them to T.V. or something, just stay away from LOTR stuff for now." She said whispering the last part to her friend.

So as Gwynne had everybody shuffle into the living room Heth began putting together an idea for lunch. She decided to make it more like dinner since it had been such a long morning, not to mention who knows how long since the males had an actual meal. Besides as their first "Earth meal" she wanted it to be remembered. She decided on fixing wilted spinach as a side, along with sautéed mushrooms for the hobbits. And potatoes for Sam. She grinned at the thought of seeing their faces. 'Now for the entrée.' She thinks…. 'Eh, Pork chops sound good….Wait is that enough food?' Picturing all the people in their party let alone the hobbits appetites. Quickly shaking her head she decides on double if not triple portions of everything and rolls.

Menu decided, she started moving through the kitchen gathering everything and turning her CD player on. (She always sings while she's cooking.) She started singing along to Jewel's Spirit. Starting to chop onions for the mushrooms and spinach she whirls around when she hears a noise behind her only to discover Sam standing in the kitchen doorway.

He looked a little sheepish and said "I didn't mean to eavesdrop miss, I was just hopin' I could be of some help, seein' as your cooking for all of us."

Heth stared for a minute before smiling and nodding, "Thanks, I appreciate it. Ovens and stoves are different in this time so why don't I actually cook the stuff while I show you how to work it and you keep on chopping these onions. When your done start on that clove of garlic and the green onions and of course these mushrooms." Laughing as his eyes light up at the thought of mushrooms which was nothing compared to the look on his face when he saw the potatoes already quartered.

"Oh the others will like you miss," He said shyly. "'Specially if they ever hear you sing, even if it was kinda sad." Smiling she thanked him and went back to her work.

She couldn't help but think, 'Maybe this won't be so bad after all…'

**Next chapter: The introduction to T.V. and the first Earth Meal!**

**Again we apologize for the delay. And we hope you guys review, and keep reading!**


	8. Songs and Supper

**Welcome to another exciting chapter of Middle Meets Earth! Once again we are very sorry of the delay but after I (Heth) broke and wrote GWYNNE'S chapter she insisted on making a few tweaks. This would have been fine if she hadn't procrastinated and finally dumped Sprite all over her keyboard. Yes, she's beauty and she's grace, she's Miss Klutzilla of the states. Anyway, here us the long awaited chapter and I am terribly sorry about the delay.**

**AN:/ We were informed last chapter by a loyal reviewer that we made a teensy tiny boo boo. We had Sam in the chapter when we… didn't bring him over…..heh heh. Yeah, it was late when I wrote it. And we have decided that since it was a cute Sam moment we will simply leave that and have it where Sam comes with everyone to Middle Earth. The previous chapters have been changed in accordance, but you don't really need to go back and read them we only tweaked it to add Sam. **

**This message will be taken off in a few weeks time so as not to confuse future readers and to ensure that I stop feeling like an idiot. Thank you. **

**Review Responses:**

**Just Me: **I feel so bad this has taken so long! Oh gosh, we're so bad. I hope this won't make you stop reading. Junior year is turning out to be a little harder than expected. Even with all the horror stories. Anyway, I realize this is months late. --' But, you never found me with the spinach and backstreet boys. Honestly….I kinda like Spinach and the backstreet boys OLD stuff isn't as bad as something like N'Sync or something. But it would totally work on Gwynne. I suggest using mayonnaise. I love it but a closed packet scares the crap out of her. Thanks for reviewing!!!!! ( And I know addictions are bad but, yay!)

**Daring2dream: **I have to say, your review was probably the most helpful. When I read your questions about Sam I felt SO STUPID! Lord. Anyway, I did go back and fix the previous chapters to say Sam came too (I just couldn't get rid of that part in the kitchen with Sam. It was too cute. I have a whole idea of how to further the Faramir/Heth romance. I just have to start incorporating it in. I even have some scenes written. So, no, it won't be one of those boom boom 'they're in love' romances. I'm trying to develop the character of Heth so she has some common ground with Faramir. Thank you so much for pointing our/my mistake and especially for taking the time to review! Thanks so much!

**Kittle425: **Ah, so articulate Kittle. Thanks for reading! I know it's been a long time coming but you know how hard it is to get Gwynne's butt moving. rolls eyes Thanks for reviewing!

**Demee: ** Ha Ha, yeah I do have some relatives like Gwynne's Aunt. I'm usually much worse to them. Thanks for reviewing and please keep reading! (Even though this update is so late --')

**Eagle's Daughter:** Nice penname firstly, and secondly, Thank you for reviewing! Thanks so much for the polite spotting of mistakes (**SEE FLAMERS? THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT!!!!!)** Anyway, grammar is definitely not my forte so pardon the mistakes. I did go back and try to fix it.

I know this is definitely more than a month late. But it's finally here. --' Once again thanks for the review and proofreading!

**And finally the moment you've all been waiting for…..the next chapter of MIDDLE MEETS EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Chapter 8: Songs and Supper**

The look of complete fascination on the men's faces was a sight Gwynne knew she would cherish for a long time to come. The image of Pippin poking the T.V. was forever burned into her retinas. Especially after Pippin jumped about a foot in the air when he felt the slight static shock from the screen. Gwynne stared with a glazed look at the Golf tournament that had shown up on the screen.

'Oh, no! It's sucking me in…….the boringness is zapping my strength away…must fight snores……..ZzZzZzZz…'

Amusingly enough Gwynne had managed to fall asleep (not hard when golf is on but she managed it pretty damn quick) (**AN2:/And standing up!)** that is until Merry began poking her and she jerked awake and realized the fellowship were all staring at her. She blushed and began rambling about golf and boringness. She realized they were staring at her even more fixedly and finally shut up. She glanced around and said, "Well I don't know how to explain the T.V. but no the people are not trapped in the box. They're just….projected there….it's like magic…only…not….OK that's it. I'm putting Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on. That sorta explains it…and it's a classic." As the movie began playing (after an even more confusing explanation of DVD's) the fellowship watched in mute fascination at all the odd things going on the screen.

**Meanwhile in the Kitchen…..**

Heth and Sam had steadily been going through the preparation for the midday meal with Heth singing the whole time. Sam worked, happy to do something he recognized even though some of the equipment was odd and though Heth had briefly explained the oven and stove she still didn't want Sam using it quite yet. The end of the CD finally came around and Sam looked up confused.

"Why did you stop singing milady?"

"Oh, um, the CD stopped."

"Do you only sing along with the Cee Dee?"

Heth looked up and replied, "Well it adds the instruments."

Sam countered, "But the person singing covers you up."

"Well, I never thought of it that way, I'm not all that great anyway."

Sam looked at her disapprovingly, "My lady, you have one of the prettiest voices I've ever heard. That ain't somethin' you should cover up."

Heth looked at him and said, "Thank you. I think that's one of the most honest and nice things anyone has ever said about my voice."

Sam blushed as Heth continued, "Well if you'd like I could sing you an Allison Krauss song without the CD." At Sam's enthusiastic nod she began thinking of one.

"Umm… do you think you could do a happy song this time?" Sam asked and blushed "I mean what you did before was pretty but it was a tad sad."

Heth nodded and said, "How about a love song?" Sam nodded and she said, "Ok. This song is called "When You Say Nothing At All"."

_It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart  
Without saying a word you can light up the dark  
Try as I may I could never explain  
What I hear when you don't say a thing_

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me  
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall  
You say it best when you say nothing at all

Around this time Faramir had gotten bored with the movie.

"I admit this movie is quite wondrous but a little odd." He wandered away from the group who still sat entranced at the lickable wallpaper and shrinking halls. **(AN1:/ That is such an awesome movie!)** He walked into the kitchen but stopped short as he heard the sound of a woman singing.

'Is that Heth?' He thought. As he peeked through the door he realized it was indeed Heth and so as to not interrupt her or cause her to stop he leaned against the doorway just out of sight. __

All day long I can hear people talking out loud  
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd  
Old Mr. Webster could never define  
What's being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me  
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall  
You say it best when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me  
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall  
You say it best when you say nothing at all

Heth finished singing and was shocked to hear clapping from more than one pair of hands. She turned away from the stove where the meal was just about done and stared wide eyed as Faramir stepped into the kitchen she felt her stomach drop out. 'Oh shit!' She thought, 'Please… no no no. Tell me he didn't hear that!'

"That was beautiful Lady Heth!" Faramir exclaimed.

'Fuck.' Was all Heth could think. She had always been very self conscious about her voice and to know that a man that she genuinely liked had heard threw her into all kinds of embarrassments. She nodded her thanks and turned around and started turning the stove off. She handed each male a pot and steered them towards the large table in the formal dining room (it was the only table large enough to fit everyone). She set the table quickly and sent Sam and Faramir to gather the rest of the group.

**In the livingroom…**

The Hobbits had practically started salivating when they saw the edible room and looked absolutely puzzled when they saw the Oompa Lompas. Aragorn leaned over to Gandalf and said, "I'm very grateful Gimli isn't here to see this…."

It was around this time that Sam and Faramir came back into the room and announced lunch/dinner was ready. The hobbits immediately ran out out the room to the dining room sitting together on one side. Gwynne, Aragorn and Gandalf all sat down while Faramir remained standing. Gwynne looked at him strangely, then Heth came in bringing the last big pot of mashed potatoes and set it down near Sam who looked immensely happy. As Heth went to the chair next to Gwynne, Faramir pulled the chair out for her. Heth looked up startled but sat down with a murmured Thank you.

**So, there you have it. Chapter 8!**

**Tell us what you think by pressing the big bluish purple button in the left hand corner!!!!! You know you want to… (unless you want to flame, then go away).**

**REVIEW!!!!!!! Thanks!**


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